he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
