Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
