On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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