I love watching others lives come down to our level.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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