bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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