Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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