Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
