Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize