i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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