I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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