I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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