I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
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puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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