and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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