Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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