pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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