Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
