I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Someone shattered a urinal.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
