I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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