On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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