I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
