I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
