i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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