last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
time to smoke my breakfast
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
