i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
