i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
