One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
