I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
