So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
