it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
