i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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