Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
