FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
