i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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