discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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