I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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