She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
