I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
