24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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