do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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