ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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