hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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