margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
