this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
