Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
