i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
