love makes seman taste better
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
