I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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