I'm jealous of your bromance
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need to stop coming to work sober
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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