he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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