No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
