I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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