I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize