Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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