5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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