Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
