Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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