Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just gift wrapped bread.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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