It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
