i just wanna soil my oats bro
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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