He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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