Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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