It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
