okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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