you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
