i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
