i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
