i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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