his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
