i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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