the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
