you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize