i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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